I have no idea if this is a problem that other people have, but it’s a big problem for me. I tend to let things pile up and then I put my head in the sand like a mule and refuse to look at or think about the things I don’t want to do. (Yes I know it’s supposed to be, what…an ostrich? But there is a particularly mulish quality to my refusal to face up to what I have to do and it’s like burying my head in the sand at the same time. I stand by my mixed metaphor.)
Right now I’m resisting:
Going to the doctor. I have resisted this for so long I now have to go to three different doctors (I hate going to the doctor at the best of times. Going to the doctor in a totally different culture is really hard and confusing and all my expectations get jerked around, every time. There are so many cultural expectations wrapped up in medical care.)
Making a decision about going home to see my family
Making a decision about going on vacation instead of/in addition to/taking away time from seeing my family
Standing up for what I need (this last is making me cranky as it feels like everyone else’s needs are being prioritized over mine which duh they are because no one else knows what I need because I just keep saying yes to everyone else’s priorities–this is also how I have to go to so many doctors because everyone else kept taking time from work and so I felt like I couldn’t.)
The thing is, when I have this resistance to fixing the problems in my life it spills over into writing. It just blocks up the flow of everything: problem solving, creativity, emotion, thought and writing doesn’t happen without those things. As soon as I start stuff moving, really moving, in these other areas of my life, then probably writing will free itself up again too.
Just to clarify, this isn’t just procrastination. It’s procrastination buried under a la la la if I put my hands over my eyes and ears I can’t hear you, see you, problems, attitude and has a lot to do with me feeling overwhelmed and to not paying enough attention to my needs/wants.
Ok, is it just me or does this happen to anyone else?
Status: I have realized I don’t know what the villain is doing but I made some progress on the B plot involving family members. A little anyway.